Couples Therapy
All relationships fall into conflict or distress at some point.
The bond between partners will begin to unravel at times during our lives.
We do learn from scratch with our adult lovers and adult relationships
unless we have been fortunate enough to have been given a secure model
of a relationship from our parents.
Some of us have to trust our instinct alone as we fight long and
hard to repair the relationship when we feel our bond unravel with our partners.
When we find ourselves estranged from our partners,
we find ourselves confused and conflicted.
That trusted partner now shows up as the "Enemy" or even a "Stranger"
when we once believed that they were the "One."
Becoming more acquainted with attachment theory may provide some awareness and insight into
how childhood experiences might affect our current relationships.
We may be dealing with the panic and pain of being disconnected and potentially rejected by our partners.
This disconnection is often referred to as ‘separation distress.’
When we feel rejected and distressed, we experience the pain of abandonment just as children do.
As a result, we may cling to our partner with the same feeling of despair
and with the same type of anger we had as a child.
John Bowlby, the father of Attachment Theory, points out,
“Presence and absence are relative terms.”
Bowlby identifies that a loved one can be physically present, but emotionally absent.
Not only as children do we need reassurance, we do as adults with our partners as well.
We need to feel secure in our bond.
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense, states,
“This point of needing reassurance is captured in a common exchange between lovers.”
“I am here, aren’t I? Don’t I do things for you?” Response, “Then why do I feel so alone?”
Emotionally Focused Therapy is about the science of love relationships.
Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer in relationship studies, developed engaging interventions and insights
on understanding relationships and relationship distress.
Relationships tend to show separation distress and often go through a four step process.
The first is anger and protest. The second is clinging and seeking.
The third is often marked by depression and despair. The last stage is detachment.
Seeking help early in this process is important so you can understand and change
the way you interact with your partner.
The goal in couples therapy is to build a lasting bond filled with romance and passion.
Separation distress is wired into our brains from thousands of years of evolution.
The way out is to get professional help.
Relationship work is built around the science of attachment and those attachment bonds.
Learning to repair relationships bonds and identifying the steps that take the couple down a destructive path is important.
Once the pattern of behavior is identified, couples learn to trust each other and turn towards each other rather than away.
Partners then learn to reveal their fears and longings and express their needs.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy helps couples overcome these hurtles.
Learn to turn towards each other and you will see love coming to life.
I believe in the compelling power of love.
I do not understand it.
I believe it to be the most fragrant
blossom of all
in this thorny existence.
Theodore Dreiser
Taken from The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy ~ Dr. Sue Johnson
The bond between partners will begin to unravel at times during our lives.
We do learn from scratch with our adult lovers and adult relationships
unless we have been fortunate enough to have been given a secure model
of a relationship from our parents.
Some of us have to trust our instinct alone as we fight long and
hard to repair the relationship when we feel our bond unravel with our partners.
When we find ourselves estranged from our partners,
we find ourselves confused and conflicted.
That trusted partner now shows up as the "Enemy" or even a "Stranger"
when we once believed that they were the "One."
Becoming more acquainted with attachment theory may provide some awareness and insight into
how childhood experiences might affect our current relationships.
We may be dealing with the panic and pain of being disconnected and potentially rejected by our partners.
This disconnection is often referred to as ‘separation distress.’
When we feel rejected and distressed, we experience the pain of abandonment just as children do.
As a result, we may cling to our partner with the same feeling of despair
and with the same type of anger we had as a child.
John Bowlby, the father of Attachment Theory, points out,
“Presence and absence are relative terms.”
Bowlby identifies that a loved one can be physically present, but emotionally absent.
Not only as children do we need reassurance, we do as adults with our partners as well.
We need to feel secure in our bond.
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense, states,
“This point of needing reassurance is captured in a common exchange between lovers.”
“I am here, aren’t I? Don’t I do things for you?” Response, “Then why do I feel so alone?”
Emotionally Focused Therapy is about the science of love relationships.
Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer in relationship studies, developed engaging interventions and insights
on understanding relationships and relationship distress.
Relationships tend to show separation distress and often go through a four step process.
The first is anger and protest. The second is clinging and seeking.
The third is often marked by depression and despair. The last stage is detachment.
Seeking help early in this process is important so you can understand and change
the way you interact with your partner.
The goal in couples therapy is to build a lasting bond filled with romance and passion.
Separation distress is wired into our brains from thousands of years of evolution.
The way out is to get professional help.
Relationship work is built around the science of attachment and those attachment bonds.
Learning to repair relationships bonds and identifying the steps that take the couple down a destructive path is important.
Once the pattern of behavior is identified, couples learn to trust each other and turn towards each other rather than away.
Partners then learn to reveal their fears and longings and express their needs.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy helps couples overcome these hurtles.
Learn to turn towards each other and you will see love coming to life.
I believe in the compelling power of love.
I do not understand it.
I believe it to be the most fragrant
blossom of all
in this thorny existence.
Theodore Dreiser
Taken from The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy ~ Dr. Sue Johnson